Hello everyone! My name is Carly, and like many people, I have found myself in a state of anger and frustration about my state of existence. That’s not to say that I’m not continually grateful for all my many blessings, but I’m not living my life to the fullest, and I want to find a state of balance. This past year has been one of the more difficult times in my life. I really don’t want to get stuck inside a story, as many enlightened individuals put it, but there have been many circumstances from which I’ve had to learn in a very abrasive manner. I know that these things all happened for a reason and that they are just preparing me for the road ahead.
All of that said… EFF THAT.
It’s gotten to the point where I’ve started having extremely immature reactions to new obstacles flung my way. I’m emotionally overloaded, IRRITATED beyond words, and so so so so ready for a change.
I’ve been listening to an audio lecture from Wayne Dyer (as recommended by my unbelievably incredible and continually supportive mother) and he says that there is a principle that the universe (source, God, however you chose to recognize the forces in play) functions on the law of attraction. This isn’t just his idea. There are many people and religions that recognize this, rather it be from prayer, or meditation, or positive thinking… But I like the way that he put it. “I have a desire and it’s on its way.” This is my way of putting my desire out into the world. I have a desire. It’s on its way. (Also, Wayne Dyer is the inspiration for the title of this blog.)
So this is where we begin. This blog is to face some stuff head on, to work through it, and to become an overall healthier person.
- For the love of all that is good I want to conquer this unhealthy weight issue. It’s really not about the vanity aspect of it. Like, seriously… I don’t want to be a poster child for anorexia. I just want to be healthy. I really and truly do not understand why I am in the place that I am. I feel like I’m constantly trying to educate myself on ways to eat healthier, exercise more, and be better. Somehow, this isn’t translating… I’m not sure if it’s a medical issue or what, but I feel like I’m in the damn twilight zone! It feels like I’m trapped inside of a body that doesn’t cooperate and doesn’t represent the person I’m trying to be.
- Become more disciplined in my physical activities. I love to do all kinds of physical activities, but perhaps I’m not being consistent enough. I need to enrich my life with more heart-rate-increasing activities. I’ve always been involved with lots of different exercise, but I think I may need to come at it from a different angle. I’m a bit of an extremist… an adrenaline junkie… an underdog… a person who sometimes may be guilty of doing extremely difficult things with a little helping of spite – to prove to people, the universe, and myself that I can do anything I set my mind to do. I think this can be a good quality, but I think I need to mellow out a little for a while – do things that aren’t so extreme.
- Increase my creative output. I have always been involved with the arts, and for whatever reason, as I age, I suppress it. I MUST keep this part of myself alive and well. I need to make more things, write more, experiment and play with all my mediums.
- Start trusting myself. This may be the most important part of this whole project. Instead of constantly trying to fight, judge, and think less of myself, I need to keep reminding myself that I am part of an extraordinary cosmic puzzle. I need to give myself some leeway, love myself, and protect myself from negative energy. I have realized that I’m much better at treating others with respect than I am to me. I’m pretty damn good at the golden rule, if I do say so: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” but I think I need to alter that a bit in harmony with this principle. “Do unto myself as I would have others do unto me.” I’m very good at ignoring my needs. This needs to change.
- Develop more authentic relationships. My friend Christina always picks a word to focus on for the year. For example, she has focused on words like “balance” and “love” to help her create a better understanding of her world. I’m not sure how long I need to focus on this, but “authentic” is a word I want to spend some time on. Of course I want to treat anyone that I meet with love and acceptance, but I no longer want to knowingly bring people close to me that are toxic and hurtful. It just takes too damn much energy to heal from this. I think part of this is realizing an authentic connection as opposed to a false one.
I’m not going to put myself on any kind of timeline. I want to watch my life unfold in the natural and beautiful way that it will. I want to make more efforts to bring myself from a state of being PISSED to a state of being BLISSED. I want this initial post to be the one that has the most “venting” nature to it. I want to get it out of my system. I plan to stare the positive steps I’m taking towards my own enlightenment. I will be sharing what I’m cooking, where I’m going, how I’m exercising, projects I’m working on, books I’m reading… things that bring nourishment into my life. I think my journey will be successful, no matter what outcomes prevail. I’m ready for change. Bring on the bliss.