How far is too far?

Yesterday I spent the day in the kitchen making meals for the week ahead, and no matter how much cleaning-as-I-go I do, my kitchen always is a DISASTER zone after I spend an extended period of time in there.  I’ve kind of come to accept this.  It’s a tiny kitchen- not quite efficiency but kind of close to it.  Thankfully I have a large sink area with ceramic drain boards on either side, so that makes clean up a bit easier.  I haven’t lived in a house with a dishwasher or a microwave (sorry Mark) for years.  There is just NOT the space for it.  I do like getting into the zone and scrubbing everything down once I’m all finished, but (gasp!) I sometimes wait until the next day to do a final scrub down.  Sorry, but when you live alone… It’s kind of nice to know this is an option.  One day I’ll have a big beautiful kitchen with loads of organized cabinets and a dishwasher.  A girl can dream.

So this was the aftermath of my culinary pursuits yesterday, and then the “after” shot once I was done with my scrub down this morning.

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It definitely feels so much better once all this is said and done.  Also, I kind of like this comparison.  It’s like those puzzles you see in Highlights magazine (yes I did just go there) and you have to find all the differences.  I also made a fabulous breakfast with my new favorite thing, a little something called “Blanket Sauce” and the recipe can be found at My New Roots.

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That sauce… Oh… my… God.  It’s a miraculous mixture of tomatoes, onions, raw cacao powder, dates and spices.  The recipe it goes with is for a stuffed sweet potato, which is super good and I made it earlier this week but I had a lot of this sauce left over. I discovered it’s so unbelievably good with eggs.  I roasted some sweet potato hunks while I was cleaning the kitchen and over mediumed some eggs and gave it a healthy douse of that sauce.  I guess it’s a modified huevos rancheros.  Breakfast food has always been my favorite.

My New Roots also had a great recipe that I worked on yesterday for a Butternut Squash Lasagna.  I spent a good bit of time preparing this yesterday.  I try really hard to prepare during the weekend for the week ahead.  Since I work in an office Monday through Friday, 8-5, my time gets pretty devoured if I plan on having any kind of sanity or social life.  This is a pretty typical American way of life.  I’m trying desperately to make it work.  This will be lunches and dinner during the course of the week.

This recipe is vegan, which I very rarely follow, and instead of noodles, it had a really neat new ingredient for me, “celeriac” or celery root.  I was unsure of what to expect from this root vegetable.  As you can imagine, it had a mild celery smell and flavor, and you cut it into super thin slices and use it in the layering process.  All in all, a very tasty dish.

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So… on to not-edible things.  Today, unfortunately is filled with subtext.  I’m trying not to think about it, but I was supposed to participate in a wedding this evening.  I wasn’t the bride or anything, but I was friends with one.  And the short version of this story is that now… I’m not.  I did something very out of character about a month ago and decided that it was time to sever my relationship with a friend of 8 years.  This was a very difficult decision. But in the long run, it became clear that it was the right one.  I could no longer stay in the relationship and continue to take care of myself.

So this makes me wonder; how far is too far when it comes to protecting and taking care of yourself?  I know that I hurt this person with this action of cutting ties. I see photographs popping up on Facebook, I do feel those little inklings of nostalgia and confusion.  I know I made the right decision, but sometimes it’s hard to feel that through and through. It’s hard to know the absolute right thing to do.  The thing is, I know it hurt this person for me to do this, but it also hurt ME to make it.  I don’t want to lose a friend in whom I invested so much time and energy.  Unfortunately, we all have to make tough decisions.  I’m really the only person who can control what happens to me, so when I feel berated and dragged down, sometimes I have to make a super difficult choice: continue making the steps towards hurtful behavior, or step away from it entirely.  I know this is all a bit on the mysterious side, but out of respect for this person and myself, I really do not want to publicly describe too much.

Onward and upward!  I’m making room for authentic connections and relationships.  I’ll be better, stronger, and more prepared for my future by nurturing my own needs.  Happy Sunday everyone.  The sun is peeking out, and I think the pup and I need to go play outside.

 

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4 thoughts on “How far is too far?

  1. I’m excited for this! You are such an inspiration for taking it on and putting yourself out there! I love the idea of picking a word, and authentic is a really good one for EVERYBODY to constantly be striving to acheive. Love you girl. I hope you find peace and growth in this journey :). P.s. LOVE the highlights reference.

    • Thanks Katie! What would I do without you? You’re such a wonderful inspiration to me as well as an amazing lifelong friend! I’m so lucky! PS. Who DIDN’T love Highlights? I mean, honestly!

  2. You’re so inspiring and a phenomenal cook! You have an abundance of creativity and spark and talent! I love you so much and blessed we’re family! Loving your blog!

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