So far, I’ve actually felt really great this past week, despite the fact that I’ve gone without a drop of coffee since last Tuesday and I haven’t had a beer since last Thursday. I will say I had some hard cider on Saturday night, and my suspicions are that I should go ahead and do without that for a while too. I’m not saying that I’m giving these things up forever, but I think that in order for me to repair my body, I need to give it up for the time being.
My mindset has changed about what food means to me – and this part feels really significant. I’m not sure that I would even feel this way if things in my life hadn’t lined up exactly the way they have. Okay, so anthropologically speaking, food has had many purposes. It’s a community thing, it’s about enjoying something biologically profound, and it’s of course, our fuel. I knew that food was fuel, but I guess I wasn’t as focused on that.
This inside-out state of mind has really been changing my thoughts and emotions when it comes to food. This is all so new in terms of how I’m thinking, but it feels like I’m on to something. I’ve always been really resentful of my body, that it wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do. I was pissed off that everyone else seemed to have it a lot easier than me.
Right now, I’m thinking about my body as this priceless gift, a vessel of light and spirit and existence. I think it’s basically been a litmus test of my own self-abuse. My skin breaks out with eczema and acne. My midsection is coated in fat. I think I’ve been beating it down so hard for not being what I want it to be that it’s been reacting in the only way it knows how: stressing out, and holding on to everything I’ve ever put in it.
So here’s the thing. I’ve gone a week without coffee. I’ve gone a few days without alcohol. More-so with the coffee than the alcohol, but I don’t even really miss it, because I’ve realized the reason I’m doing it is to take care of myself, to be kind to myself, to put the right kinds of nourishment in it, because I deserve it. It’s not fair to be so unkind to myself. I think I’ve entered this phase of attempting to woo my own body. Does that sound weird? Not really to me.
So I’ve been taking a good bit of care and love in making my meals, almost like I’m preparing something for a romantic partner – like I want to impress myself. And honestly, I have! I made this beautiful meal last night. It took hours, and I usually don’t spend such an exorbitant amount of time preparing a meal unless I’m having guests. But believe me the time spent was well worth it. I sat outside on my deck and thoroughly enjoyed each bite, like I was at a fancy restaurant.